We are Porn Stars! You Can Watch.

So every now and then (sometimes more often than not) I get people checking in to the hotel that really just make your skin crawl! I'm talking of course about those people, the majority of whom are men, who feel the need to throw derogatory sexual remarks my way while I am attempting to check them in. Sometimes I just let it roll off my back (most of the time the situation occurs because the said male is ridiculously drunk), however there are those times when it just gets to be too much!

Example A: The other day I checked in a guest early in the morning, who when I asked if the room was just for himself, felt the need to tell me that he was getting the room for him and his sex buddy. "Alright" I say in a slightly hesitant tone. I try not to judge all the people that walk through my doors too much. It must be due to my social work courses wherein the core value is "believing in the dignity and worth of all people." Sometimes some people make it really really really hard for me to believe in their dignity and worth, but I digress.

So then the guest, (let's call him Mr. Bojangles... Bo for short, respectively) goes on to ask me whether the linens have been cleaned since the last "sex party" that I had. Of course, when you work at a hotel, not to mention a small three and a half star hotel in a small town, you tend to cringe at the idea of spending a night in certain rooms because there are some things about past guests in those rooms that seem to be etched in your brain (like when housekeeping walks into a room and finds a man completely passed out in the buff with a video camera on a tripod facing towards the bed... but that's another story); thus this idea of me having a "sex party" in this room makes my skin crawl!

Again, I try my best to simply get the paperwork done and over with and get this guy out of my front lobby before I hurl. So I give him the registration card and ask him to fill it out and sign it, to which he says "so long as you don't tie me up and beat me, however you are very pretty, it could be fun." At this point I am regretting having said that we have availability. In fact at this point I am looking for some reason to not let him in... I really hope your credit card is declined. Oh YES! It is!!! YES YES YES! Oh, you have interac... CRAP! But there may not be enough money in your account! ...Oh, there is. Damnit! Ah, but you probably don't have valid ID! ...Oh, you do. SHIT! Trying to keep my cool I simply reply "Don't worry, I wont". At this point Mr. Bojangles said something which I can't quite remember at this time (I must have repressed it in my memory) which made me reply "I don't need to know what goes on behind closed doors" which of course only inspires Mr. Bojangles to say "Yes you do! We're PORN STARS my f**k buddy and I!" (wow proper grammar... I never would have expected it) Yes, that's right, Mr. Bojangles the PORN STAR! (haha, I like making up my own names for guests) "You can come and watch!!! She wont mind." (Insert nervous laughter here) "Uh, No thanks, I'm good!"

By this time I thankfully have all his information and money that I need. I have given Mr. Bojangles and his Porn Star f**k buddy a key to the room and hope to god they stay there until I leave later that afternoon! Of course just before I thought I'd be ok, he calls down to the front desk and asks if there are any porn channels on our t.v.'s. There is not. Then he asks if I have any porn at the front desk that I can bring down to him. I do not. Then he says his t.v. does not work and asks if I can come down and fix it. I sent him our maintenance guy... he doesn't take shit from no one! Mr. Bojangles and his sex buddy did not stay long. Thank Goodness!!!